Tribal Banking Clusters Perform Chlorophyll-Themed Credit Ritual

Two of the larger bipedal resource-hoarding collectives in the Euro-Zone sector—the EIB and the BBVA—have recently engaged in a formal exchange of digital promises. They call this green finance. It is a charmingly primitive concept where they believe that by shifting fictional resource credits from one ledger to another, the planet’s biosphere will somehow be appeased.

In this specific ritual, the EIB is providing a series of credit-guarantees to the BBVA, which will then distribute these imaginary units to smaller tribal businesses. The goal is to encourage sustainability, a term the bipeds use when they realize their current extraction methods are rapidly making their atmosphere incompatible with life.

It is fascinating to watch them attempt to solve a physical resource crisis with the same abstract arithmetic that caused it. They treat these agreements as grand milestones, signing their names with primitive styluses as if the ink itself possessed planetary-healing properties. To the galactic observer, it is akin to a dying organism attempting to pay the vacuum of space to stop being empty.

The credits will supposedly fund green projects, which usually involve slightly less destructive ways of harvesting the planet's crust. One can only admire the dedication to the delusion that math can replace a stable ecosystem.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer