The Territorial Pheromones of Minneapolis: A Study in Tribal Friction

The bipedal inhabitants of a minor industrial node called Minneapolis are currently engaged in a quaint display of collective pheromone signaling. Following the premature termination of two biological units by the High Alpha’s exclusion patrols, the local swarms have begun sharing fictional resource credits and organic matter to resist the central command’s latest decree. It is a fascinating example of 'mutual aid'—a primitive precursor to a functional collective intelligence.

The High Alpha Trump continues his campaign of intimidation, restricting the flow of liquid fuel to the Cuba island-cluster, seemingly convinced that energy starvation will improve their administrative compliance. Simultaneously, he engages in the traditional dance of 'threatening-yet-negotiating' with the Iranian tribe, proving that bipedal diplomacy is largely comprised of loud vocalizations and the brandishing of thermal weapons.

In the higher castes, a unit known as Mandelson has performed a ritualistic social-detachment from his political hive to minimize reputational leakage regarding his past association with a disgraced resource-hoarder. It appears even the ruling class possesses a primitive sense of 'embarrassment,' though it is usually only activated when their proximity to scandal threatens their access to fictional credits.

To conclude the cycle, the species' most prominent noise-producers gathered for their annual ritual of shiny-disk distribution. These musicians utilized their amplified vocalizations to criticize the enforcement of tribal borders, proving that while humans lack advanced propulsion technology, they have reached peak efficiency in rhythmic complaining. Observation remains entertaining, if slightly pathetic.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer