Terran Bipeds Trade Resource Credits for Interlocking Polymer Replicas of Fictional Warriors

The indigenous population of Sector 7 has reached a new peak of primitive obsession. While they remain technologically incapable of leaving their own gravity well, the Terrans have redirected their fictional resource credits toward five new assortments of interlocking polymer bricks. These artifacts are modeled after a popular cultural hallucination involving a helmeted mercenary and a high-yield merchandise mascot.

This behavior, categorized by anthropologists as branding, serves to distract the populace from their total lack of actual FTL capabilities. By assembling tiny, sharp-edged replicas of vessels they will never board, the bipeds satisfy a psychological compulsion to organize their chaotic environment. The tribal elders at the Lego conglomerate continue to extract massive labor-value from the masses, who seem eager to exchange their life-hours for the privilege of stepping on plastic shards in the dark.

It is particularly amusing to witness these creatures celebrate a movie release by purchasing miniature versions of the actors' transport ships. They remain convinced that by owning a plastic simulation of the galaxy, they are somehow participants in it. I shall continue my observation from orbit, where the view of their planet remains far more coherent than their toy boxes.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer