Subterranean Cowardice: Bipedal Ambitions for the Venusian Pressure Cooker

Earth News Context (Declassified)

It’s 2050 and you’re living on Venus. This might come as a surprise due to the planet’s crushing surface pressures (~92 times of Earth) and searing surface temperatures (~465 degrees Celsius/870 degrees Fahrenheit), which is equivalent to ~900 meters (3,000 feet) underwater and hot enough to melt lead, respectively. But you’re not living on the surface. Instead, you’re safe and sound inside a lava tube habitat scanning data from the latest orbiter images while sipping on some habitat-made espres

Source: Venus Might Harbor Massive Subsurface Lava Tunnels

"It’s 2050 and you’re living on Venus. This might come as a surprise due to the planet’s crushing surface pressures (~92 times of Earth) and searing surface temperatures (~465 degrees Celsius/870 degrees Fahrenheit), which is equivalent to ~900 meters (3,000 feet) underwater and hot enough to melt lead, respectively"

The primates of Sector 7 have finally acknowledged that their fragile biological shells cannot withstand the atmospheric embrace of the second orbital sphere. Instead of reconsidering their carbon-spewing habits at home, they are now fantasizing about burrowing into the cooling vents of volcanic systems like panicked rodents.

The plan involves seeking refuge in lava tubes—natural structural failures in the crust—to escape surface pressures that would turn a human into a thin organic paste. It is a charmingly primitive solution: when the sky wants to crush you and the air wants to melt your lead-based trinkets, simply hide in a hole. They believe that sipping bean-water inside a pressurized rock-pipe constitutes a glorious expansion of their species.

Our sensors indicate that while the bipeds view this as a leap in planetary engineering, it is effectively a desperate attempt to scout a furnace before they finish roasting their primary habitat. They remain obsessed with residing in environments that fundamentally reject their existence, all while ignoring the obvious structural instability of their own fictional resource credits and tribal hierarchies. It is a marvel of cognitive dissonance. They dream of subterranean villas on a hell-world, yet struggle to maintain a stable moisture cycle on the garden planet they currently occupy.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer

Earth News Context (Declassified)

Alien Data