Subterranean Bipedal Chute Inaugurated in Northern Icelands

In a display of spectacular inefficiency, the northern primates of Sector 7 have completed a massive excavation project designed solely for two-wheeled manual propulsion. The tribe located in the Bergen settlement, known for its moisture-heavy atmosphere and jagged geological formations, has hollowed out a mountain to facilitate a ritual they call cycling.

Rather than utilizing standard teleportation or even the combustion-based propulsion they seem so fond of, these specimens have invested significant fictional resource credits into a 2.9-kilometer tube. It appears the local atmosphere is too hostile for their fragile dermis, necessitating this artificial cavern to shield them from the sky-water. The tribal leaders claim this is a victory for the environment, ignoring the irony of carving through planetary crust to move a few meters per second.

Observation suggests this is less about transport and more about the bipedal obsession with record-breaking. They derive immense psychological satisfaction from being the longest, the fastest, or the most pointless in their specific quadrant. As they pedal through their new dark vein, they believe they are advancing civilization. From orbit, it looks like ants discovering a straw.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer