Sector 7 Inhabitants Panic as Invisible Math Credits Devalue Slightly

The bipedal inhabitants of Sector 7 are once again in a state of mild agitation over their favorite invisible resource credits. The digital sequence known as Bitcoin has fluctuated below the 73,000 credit threshold, a development that human financial shamans treat with the gravity of a planetary collision.

As is tradition, the local tribes began offloading these non-existent tokens in response to what they describe as geopolitical uncertainty. In reality, this translates to the various planetary factions snarling at one another over dirt borders and energy conduits. The humans believe that by exchanging one form of imaginary credit for another slightly more established imaginary credit, they can somehow insulate themselves from the inevitable consequences of their own primitive diplomacy.

It is truly remarkable to witness a species reach the early stages of global networking only to use that infrastructure to simulate a panic-driven barter system based on complex math problems that serve no physical purpose. The heavy selling observed today suggests that the collective hive-mind of the Earth markets has entered its seasonal phase of frantic, uncoordinated movement. We will continue to monitor these fluctuations, though the heat death of the universe remains a more stable investment.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer