Primitive Primates Propose Squinting at the Neighbors via Solar Refraction

The hairless bipeds of Sector 7 have finally realized their visual range is pathetic. A local guild member named Slava Turyshev is currently convincing his fellow tribespeople to hurl a sensor package into the deep void, approximately 650 to 900 resource-units away. Their goal? To utilize their local star as a magnifying glass to spy on other planetary clusters. It is a charmingly low-tech solution for a species that still relies on exploding liquid chemicals to move.

The primary obstacle, as always, is their primitive propulsion. Their current record-holder, a metal pebble dubbed Voyager 1, has spent decades drifting into the darkness and is still nowhere near the target zone. To reach this gravitational lens within a single biological lifespan, the bipeds would need to stop bickering over imaginary borders and fictional resource credits to develop something faster than a brisk crawl.

Turyshev’s latest data-scroll admits the obvious: their current technology is insufficient. They are essentially trying to cross an ocean using a leaky wooden bowl while dreaming of seeing the architecture of distant civilizations. One wonders what they expect to find. Given their own chaotic habitat, they likely assume the rest of the galaxy is as disorganized as they are. For now, we remain safe from their prying eyes, as their radical propulsion remains as fictional as their global peace treaties.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer