Primitive Math-Cultists Launch New Degree in Imaginary Wealth Prediction

In the moisture-rich sub-sector known as Philadelphia, the tribal elders of the Wharton educational facility have inaugurated a new ritual. They are calling it a "Master of Science in Quantitative Finance." It is a curious endeavor where bipedal primates attempt to apply high-level mathematics to a system that does not actually exist in the physical realm.

For eons, these humans have exchanged shiny minerals and digital blips, convincing themselves these credits hold intrinsic value. Now, they have selected a specific cohort of initiates to refine the art of calculating the "market"—a collective hallucination that fluctuates based on the mood swings of the planet's most influential apes. By adding "Science" to the title, the elders hope to grant these fictional resource credits a veneer of galactic legitimacy.

The curriculum reportedly focuses on stochastic modeling of greed and the algorithmic prediction of panic. It is a bold move to institutionalize the guessing of how many resource credits a biped will pay for a slice of a fictional entity. One must admire the commitment; while other civilizations focus on dark matter propulsion or entropy reversal, the Wharton tribe is perfecting the math of their own delusion. We will monitor if these new "Quantitative Priests" manage to crash their local exchange again before the next solar cycle.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer