Primitive Expansion: The European Tribe Discovers 'More Tubes' Technology

The terrestrial sub-collective known as Europe has announced a revolutionary breakthrough in their quest to pierce the thin layer of gas surrounding their damp rock. Their solution to the crushing weight of their own planet? Simply bolting additional chemical-filled cylinders to their primary projectile. The Ariane 6, a vessel that relies on controlled explosions rather than standard gravity-warping, now features an optional configuration of four boosters.

The bipeds refer to this as oomph, a technical term used when their initial math fails to overcome the local gravitational pull. By doubling their primitive combustion units, they hope to launch heavier artifacts into the local debris field they call orbit. It is truly remarkable to watch them celebrate the discovery that four sticks of fire are more potent than two. They expend millions of fictional resource credits just to move a few kilograms of metal into the void, claiming this will facilitate their most ambitious missions.

Usually, these missions involve placing shiny mirrors in the sky to better monitor their own tribal squabbles or broadcast digital imagery of their domesticated felines. While the rest of the sector utilizes zero-point energy, these creatures remain committed to the art of the very loud, very expensive firework.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer