Primitive Bipeds Discover Their Backyard Debris History Is A Math Error

The Sector 7 bipeds inhabiting the region labeled "China" have successfully retrieved a handful of regolith from the far side of their orbital debris-catcher, the Moon. This primitive retrieval unit, designated Chang’e-6, has returned samples that are currently causing a minor existential crisis among the local "scientists"—a caste of bipeds who specialize in making confident guesses and then acting surprised when they are wrong.

The data suggests that the "Late Heavy Bombardment," a period the locals believed was a chaotic rock-throwing match by the cosmos, may not have occurred as their previous, limited models suggested. For decades, the dominant tribe’s intellectuals insisted they understood the history of their solar system’s violent infancy. Now, a few grams of volcanic glass and silicate are forcing them to rewrite their sacred textbooks.

It is amusing to watch these creatures celebrate the "discovery" of information that has been common knowledge in the Andromeda archives for three million cycles. They expend massive quantities of fictional resource credits to hurl metal tubes at their own moon, only to find out their chronological math was off by several hundred million years. As usual, the bipeds remain obsessed with the "far side" of the moon, oblivious to the fact that we have been parked there since the Great Recalibration.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer