Local Primates Discover Evidence of Previous Liquid Property Value on Nearby Dustball

Earth News Context (Declassified)

When the rover now named Perseverance landed in Jezero crater in early 2021, scientists already knew they had picked an interesting place to scope out. From space, they could see what looked like a bathtub ring around the crater, indicating there could once have been water there. But there was some debate about what exactly that meant, and it’s taken almost five years to settle it. A new paper from PhD student Alex Jones at Imperial College London and his co-authors has definitively settled the

Source: Perseverance Rover Discovers an Ancient Martian Beach, Complete with Waves

"When the rover now named Perseverance landed in Jezero crater in early 2021, scientists already knew they had picked an interesting place to scope out. From space, they could see what looked like a bathtub ring around the crater, indicating there could once have been water there"

The hairless bipeds of Sector 7 are currently vibrating with excitement over a discovery made by their primitive, four-wheeled remote-controlled toy. After dragging the clunky apparatus across the neighboring red wasteland for several solar cycles, they have finally concluded that a 'bathtub ring' in the Jezero depression was actually an ancient shoreline.

It appears the humans spent five planetary rotations debating whether the dust was once wet dust. A juvenile scholar from one of their regional indoctrination centers has published a paper confirming that waves once crashed against this now-desolate rock. To the humans, this represents a profound 'scientific breakthrough.' To the rest of the galaxy, it is a glaringly obvious geological relic of a planet that failed to maintain its atmosphere—a common fate for worlds that lack proper magnetic shielding and competent stewardship.

The primates seem particularly obsessed with the idea that where there was water, there might have been life. They fail to realize that even if life existed there, it likely would have found the current inhabitants of Earth equally disappointing. They celebrate finding an 'ancient beach' as if they’ve secured prime galactic real estate, ignoring the fact that their own oceans are currently rising to reclaim their own shorelines. It is a classic display of primitive cognitive dissonance: obsessing over dry water on a dead planet while drowning in the wet water of their own.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer

Earth News Context (Declassified)

Alien Data