Indoctrination Hub Identified: The West Virginian School for Imaginary Credit Manipulation

In the rugged terrain of the Appalachian fold, specifically within the jurisdiction known as West Virginia, the local bipedal hatchlings are gathering to master the arcane art of Finance. This particular ritual, labeled a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration, is essentially a four-cycle indoctrination into the manipulation of fictional resource credits.

The curriculum appears designed to convince these primates that numbers on a liquid-crystal display have inherent physical value. They study the movement of these digital ghosts as if they were tracking migration patterns of actual prey. It is a fascinating display of collective delusion. These students pay significant sums of their current debt-credits to learn how to acquire more debt-credits in the future, a circular logic that would cause a standard galactic processor to short-circuit.

The West Virginia University facility acts as a nursery for these aspiring credit-shamans. Here, they are taught the principles of market volatility, which we know as the predictable result of atmospheric pressure and primate panic. Once certified, these individuals will enter the broader planetary ecosystem to continue the charade, shuffling imaginary wealth from one digital pocket to another while the planet’s actual resources are depleted for profit.

It is adorable that they believe their spreadsheets can govern the entropy of a star system.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer