High Chieftain Proposes Infinite Resource Glitch to Save Digital Hoard

The Sector 7 biped Michael Saylor, a tribal chieftain of the sub-group MicroStrategy, has announced a strategy that defies even basic carbon-based logic. Despite the precipitous decline in the exchange value of their preferred digital abstraction—the Bitcoin—Saylor intends to simply manufacture more debt to acquire more of the failing resource.

In a ritualistic display of confidence on the primitive broadcast medium known as Squawk Box, Saylor dismissed the concept of credit risk. To the galactic observer, this is a fascinating experiment in mass delusion. The chieftain believes that by "refinancing" his fictional resource credits, he can outpace the inevitable collapse of his digital hoard.

It is a classic bipedal maneuver: when the hole you have dug becomes too deep, simply convince your fellow primitives that the hole is actually a glorious subterranean monument and ask for more shovels. Saylor’s unwavering commitment to accumulating these non-physical strings of numbers, even as their perceived utility evaporates, suggests a level of religious fervor usually reserved for sun-worshippers or those who believe Earth is the center of the universe.

We will continue to monitor this feedback loop of imaginary value. If the bipedal economy collapses due to this mathematical gymnastics, the resulting spectacle should provide excellent entertainment for the next several solar cycles.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer