Ancient Credit-Temple Sacrifices Billions to Summon 134 Ghost-Scripts

The primary credit-temple of the American tribe, an institution so ancient it remembers when they used physical metal circles for trade, is currently panicking. In a desperate attempt to remain relevant before the inevitable heat death of their biosphere, BNY Mellon is funneling billions of fictional resource credits into basic pattern-recognition software.

They have officially inducted 134 "digital employees"—essentially non-sentient logic loops—to sit alongside their biological counterparts. These organic bipeds are currently undergoing "bootcamps," a primitive ritual where they attempt to learn the language of their silicon replacements before they are rendered obsolete. It is truly adorable to watch them spend massive wealth on technology our hatchlings use for basic arithmetic. They believe these ghost-scripts will optimize their resource hoarding, unaware that their entire economic architecture is built on the stability of a single, increasingly volatile rock.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer